Currently here in the craziest state of mind.
Welcome to the tree tunnel/ walking down this road. Via route back to Steph's curbbbb.
Literally typing as we walk down the centerline. Yellow left, yellow right;
I think on Kasey's laptop? Who the hell knows, it has something fuzzy on the front that I;m using to grip it.
I JUST checked, its a magical felt butterfly, that she stuck on here. Genius.
There's one of those caution signs up ahead..the ones with the blinking yellow lights that acknowledge midnite truckers as they come obnoxiously downshifting around the curve. ITs bouncing off the center strip and reflecting off another sign and it just lights the whole world up. Totally dark then

YELLOW
 shit that was orange.
It doesnt matter, cause its pitch black aga-

YELLOW everyones instantly asian.

again and again, you get little flashes of the people around you in the yellow hue that makes it all seem like an old photograph. Which is crazy if you think about it. You look back at photographs and remember how different it was then, or how happy happy you were. You never think about that when the photos being taken, never think of looking at it later in a different light. ITs weird to visualize it now, thinkin of every flash as anothershot.

derrr rob. its april here. not the month, the girl, like you have said every stinking time you see me. seriously, you just turned around and "wheres april? oh thats right, next to march. now wheres my unfortunately named friend?"

thanks asshole :) just wanted to tell you youre on my laptop. kasey would never understand the magic of the butterflieestehee. Please keep sammy safe I wuv him! 

btw you sound like a huge hippie up there which i mean as an insult even though youll probably love me for saying it. :d

I feel like I should backtrack.
We are all here, at Steph's camp in the great north country. Its like 2 30 right now we are staying up all night basically. Or it may as well be for me I don;t believe how wired I am. We ate something squareish, and its hip to be a square. THe events have gone in another levelll since then.
IT s been GRREAT. ha, we shouldve had it over frosted flakes, that wouldve been funny.

WYooo its like 315. which is my area code, but unfortunately we aren't there tonite so that makes it less cool. We are stopped at the BK lounge. Theres a boat here, thats been abandoned a long time. How do I know that? Oh I don't know, maybe the TREE growing out of it. Literally, there is a well established tree growing up through the middle of the hull.
At first I was mad about it, what a waste of a good boat. Seriously, I would kill for that boat, but now noone can use it. But then I was thinking its actually pretty cool. Like, everything has a purpose, and this boat wasn't meant for the sea. The wood and material bolted together by its builders was never supposed to end up trapped as an avenue for shuttling around the mighty kings. Nature is reclaiming it and absorbing it back where it started, and that's fucking awesome.
And its not just through the methods of forestation! Look out at the lake and imagine how many man made objects lie at the bottom. All the random things that have been hidden by the water. The ugly trash and junk just disappears below the surface and all you see is the serene water, making the world better without you even realizing it. Both sea and land do their part in healing the shit people do, its just that water covers it much more thorougly and takes it somewhere you can't see it.
Thats not entirely true either. I mean thinking about that beetle I found in the woods last week, stuff can be hidden on land just as easily. Look at the stand of leaves reaching over the hills. How much stuff is hidden in there? Either surrounded from view by trees themselves, or buried under their own sea of leaves. Hell, everywhere in the world around us is evidence of it.
Whats below you right now? Ten feet? Your basement? Twenty feet, your water pipes? Fifty feet? From then on it could be anything. And don't get me started on the millions of things living below and around you. Not just little microbes either, you could have a cave below you filled with salamanders, insects, even that monster from The Descent. Which, never seeing that movie, I'm just assuming it was a monster and hoping I get lucky without fact checking,.
The very air molecules around you are constantly recycled, all the crazy pollutants spouting out and being transformed into the elementary gases that sparked the entire evolution of our planet!
I mean think about how crazy that is! Do people really think about how incredible the things that happen EVERY SECOND are? Everyone thinks about it, but I feel like its so...
sooo..
taken advantage of. REALLLY think about it and its just freakinn beautiful! I;m just realizing the potency of all this now. Its like I want to grab everyone I know and pound on their head while screaming DO YOU GET IT! DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHATS GOING ON?!
But for all I know everyone knows this. I'm having this revelation, and its so profound I feel like I am on to something, but seriously, maybe I'm just slow. Maybe everyone is already hyper aware of this and I have just been living with the blinders on.
I think everyone has a few things that they are truly in the know about, that they discover themselves that noone else has thought of. You have to share it man! Everyone has a contribution to make, it can't be wasted on being shy or thinking noone cares. Maybe everyone knows about this thing thats captured my thoughts, but I'll never know if I don't put it out there. And I'll in turn never learn what others have to offer if I shelter myself.
Its like a full embodiment of everything I have been trying to do, to expose myself to as much as I possibly fucking can in life, as many facets, aspects, turns, carves. Absorb everything I can, and reach - well, zen. Not in a stupid religious way, but feel I lived everything there is to live. FUck reincarnation, get it all done in one life, thats how to live.


Why the hellll are we watching paranormal activity 2 right now?? Its like almost four, I am shot out ofexistence. Watch a scary as hell movie that plays on your fears, thats a great idea under our current influnece. NOT. You're supposed to listen to callming music, or talk about boats again. Not freak yourself out.


What the hell did  I tell you. Waking down the road again. An SUV populated by some idiots just went by. It was the kind wherethey open the window and scream at you as they go by. And make you jump out of your skin in normaal conditions. I had a huge head to toe twitch when that happened. I instantly feel weird. PAranoid, but I don't even know what about. Its not really paranoid, this isnt dumbass pot. Its just anxiety. Yup thats pretty much it. Im basically having an anxiety attack.


Thank god for Kasey. I was freaking out. Talking like nuts and just going off about how life was unraveling before my eyes. Seriously, it was breakdown hour. And she starts talking to me, except its like not really her. Her voice is different, I have never quite heard it this way before. She talked me down, I literally felt myself become aware of myself again and have stuff pierce through like a fog I was in. Her voice was so smooth, just the way it hit me. Its so weird, cause its already normal again and its just weird man. ITs like when I saw AG for the first time since our initial breakup, 4 months later in December. We went to a concert and she is blabbing away in the car for two hours on the ride down. And I'm sitting inthe passenger seat in stunned silence. Listening to this stranger talking. Her voice sounded completely foreign. It was tinny or something, like she was sick, it was higher pitched and totally unrecognizable. The first two times I saw her that voice just glared at me. How much have we changed? And yet since then the few times I have been with her, its gone. Nothing out of place with the voice. I have had it come up once or twice randomly but for the main part it is like it just disappeared.
But does it disappear, or do I just tune it out? Does everyone have two voices like this? And if so, what brings them out. What makes the difference between the two. Is one the real person I am talking to? Is this weird thing that comes out of a person in special circumstances their true monologue and the everyday voice is just that.
Do I have two voices/ Am I dillusioning myself, seeing things in one way. And every once in a while seeing an unfiltered version of life that leaves me flabbergasted. This is too heavy.

Past six in the morning, Tired.Last few hours, good. You wouldnt believe me. Derinitely a couple of firsts.

I'm exhausted now

Woe, is Running

I have been a semi serious runner ever since I was little as a way to explore. Eventually this interest in exploring caused me to become obsessed with trail running. I saw streets and sidewalk and suburban houses all the time, but running in the woods had an element of unpredictability and authenticity that was like getting TWO brownies at dinner.
I just never liked running around cars I think. Because I also really enjoy running in cemeteries, something introduced to me when I started running in the winter. Trails are pretty much inaccessible during the winter, you're running through feet of snow, which means you're less running and more post holing and swearing. The last thing you want is to slip and get a hurt ankle with two miles of knee deep snow between you and the road.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road -NO FUCK YOU

I had at least one scare like this every season for 3 or 4 years before I finally wisened up and discovered cemeteries. You have all the random winding roads to explore, lots of interesting eye candy, the landscaping is usually pretty good, the roads are plowed, and most importantly there is little traffic to spray you with slush as they go by.
Once I went to college, I started doing much longer distances, which meant returning to the roads a lot of the time. Doing big 15-20 mile runs, I started long loops to different parts of the surrounding area and exploring the roads. Coupled with my newly developing interest in urban exploring and new found appreciation of the architecture in decaying industrial cities like Binghamton and Utica, road running has found new life for me.
 I am surprised I have barely even alluded to running until now. Its a regular part of my life, and almost half of my bucket list is made up of races so it probably will be a topic revisited.

The best part about running is seeing the world in new ways that you never even knew existed. And that's what happened today.
I went running in Sherillbrook Park, a place I have been many times before. There are a good amount of ski trails around the perimeter of the main park that I use, and there is one kinda sorta 'master trail' that connects each one so you can do one huge giant loop. I discovered this, and have largely stuck to it when I run there, because that way you see pretty much everything, cause most of the other trails that go off are just the exits for the individual trail portions.
God was I wrong.

Map of the circle trail

There is one such side trail that goes down to the stream. I went down it to splash some water on my face, and saw that it makes a T, and figured I would check it out. One way just reconnected with the main trail in a few hundred meters. The other went across the stream, and up the other side of the ridge. This is the point where I got excited, thinking it went along the other bank and then crossed back over. I get to another intersection, with one continuing the way I was heading, and the other looking like your standard exit trail. I took the exit trail just to see where I was in the park. I came out in Denmark. (10)

I actually wish this wasn't an exaggeration, because at least in that case I would have known where I was  twiggy

Also, I don't know why I picked Denmark. That's what IMMEDIATELY came to my mind, it went something like this:

 just to see where I was in the park. I came out in- DENMARK!
..ok, Denmark. Hmm, actually no, that's kind of stupid. I mean what kind of reference can I make with Denmark? What the hell is even in Denmark? I DON"T GIVE A SHIT PUT DENMARK. No seriously, I just looked for twenty minutes, and the only thing Denmark appears to be known for is attractive bartenders and pastries. Let's at least think of some other ideas. THAT'S PERFECT I'M PUTTING IT DOWN. No stop it we aren' DENMARK no just lis YES ow stop hitti I'LL STOP WHEN YOU GOT DEN-MARKS ok, that was pretty good, we will use it HELL YEA DENMARK

I was far behind the park, looking out across the valley. And there were two different paths to take from here. I went back and took the initial trail.
But first, I took a picture of the view, because it was much prettier then the crappy picture I am about to show would suggest:

Remember this later..

And that was the last thing I remember with any clarity. The trails just kept reaching more junctions, and I changed trails several times so after a while I had lost all sense of any direction, simply because of the sheer volume of turns.
Eventually at one point I was a good mile or two outside the park. After literally dozens of trails, and still finding more forks I found myself on private land. As per usual when you go trail running down an unmarked trail, you always seem to end up somewhere you shouldn't. The signs are never there when you start unbeknowningly trespassing though. You always see it when you come to an intersection and see this sign by where you just came from:

You can't trespass if you're already inside.
At one point I found this:

A very very old and stripped Volkswagen. I didn't move it, or use any fancy angling here. There really was a CAR in the middle of the woods. At least a mile from the nearest road. Seriously, what the hell was going through the guy's mind who did this? How do you even get the car that far in the woods, there are trees EVERYWHERE.
Though believe me, this is hardly the weirdest thing I have found trail running. In the woods above the switchbacks, there is a truly random square of forest, roped off with caution tape and with one of those giant highway traffic cones. And nothing else.
In the gully next to Glenwood Cemetery in Johnson City, there is a piece of an old highway. A giant slab of concrete with lettering on it from a road, that has someone made its way UPSTREAM over a mile.
Hell, right in my own backyard at Binghamton in the nature preserve you can find a huge pile of various wooden construction parts. Giant poles, boards etc, all complete with disturbing graffiti. And it has its own car. Actually creepier then this one, Binghamton's is completely rust covered and bullet hole ridden.

I could talk for a while about the stuff you find.
Here is the run, mapped out in my phone's GPS:

The blue is the normal circle of trails around the park, that you can kinda trace around on the original map, if you have no life and really don't have anything better to do. (Don't be shy, I already did) The red is the evil part, molesting the shit out of the blue part. The truly strange part is the blue monster seems to be enjoying it.
But while the outline looks pretty simple, I had never been so lost. If you told me that for half a mile I was RIGHT NEXT TO the regular trail, and that for all those years on the blue trail that there was a hellfire gateway just mere steps over I never would have believed you. I mean really, at one point I apparently came to the same intersection again and took off on another trail without even realizing it.
Speaking of which, this is how I finally got out. I came to another clearing, yet again, with like 4 different ways to go. At this point, I resolved that I would never escape. I committed myself to a life as a hermit, in the thickets of New Hartford, probably on some one's private property. I made myself a lean to, became known as Seymour Trees and adopted a young squirrel as my child. Then, one day several years later, I was wiping my butt with moss when I looked around my clearing.

Oh.
Needless to say, I survived. I got back to the main trail, though I couldn't look at it the same way, knowing that all these years it had held such dark secrets to me.
I didn't go a half mile before I noticed this:

No. Fuck you random trail.