Welcome to junior year

After getting home from college (holy over halfway through, only 3 more painful semesters!) I decided to actually be productive these 11 days I am home and sort through stuff.
I made it about 18 seconds until I found a big folder of my saved highschool work. I'm going to share that with you.

"Really? It's not even oriented right! This site's been going downhill since you stopped talking about me"  -Joey

No, really though. The difference lies in the fact that the only highschool 'work' I thought to save was all the things I did instead of pay attention. My spanish class junior year was the absolute worst, and sadly almost all of the stuff I saved is from that class, I really don't know how my teacher didn't kill me. Even more unfathomable is the fact that she actually liked me and I did good in the class nonwithstanding.
One assignment we did weekly was look up new words to learn on our own and write a story in English, and then do our best to translate it into spanish. Because I was lazy, I used English vocab words from whatever bullshit we were reading in that class at the time, with some American Gov words thrown in for good measure.
Most of the time my narratives were 'stories' of whatever I had just eaten for lunch as I walked into class.
But the exception was...


"One time I was hanging in my crib watching Judge Judy. I like the justice system. I was sitting in a subdued state when the monkeys attacked.

They flew through the open window uproariously and they had a speculative look on their faces. They said "we love Judge Judy, mind if we join you?"

from crockettlives

And so they too sat in a subdued state for several minutes, and the infrequent spontaneous combustions were the only thing to break the silence. Then one of them asked for a ham sandwich. That's when I exploded.
"No! Get your own ham! Who do I look like, the Cold Cut King?!" I exclaimed. The monkeys put on their bowling shoes and attacked. They stole all the fritos, and even went as far as to take all the cookie and cream icecream, leaving only a little at the bottom. 

"Well its not so bad, I'll --WTF you didn't even leave any milk?? NOOOOOOO"

Right before they left, one monkey with a monocle came up to me on his motor scooter and said "I just can't do this, I'm a Christian." To which I replied "Don't lie to me you fibbing fascist, I know you're a jookey." The monkey looked at me like he had been struck with a very large pickle. He said "How do you know about our secret society of Jewish monkeys!?"


To be continued...

"

As you can imagine, this was a bitch to translate. Also, its not racist, but actually the first part of my thrilling revised biography of my half Jewish, half Catholic friend at the time, Josh. I swear.